


On Your Mark...

by Grey_wonderer



Category: Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 04:59:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey_wonderer/pseuds/Grey_wonderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frodo learns more than he cares to about a certain phase of moving to a new home when he visits Merry and Pippin at Crickhollow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Your Mark...

**Author's Note:**

> None of the characters in this story are original. They are the creations of J. R. R. Tolkien. I am making no profit on this. Thank you for reading, if you are. Also, you should know that no one has, as yet, beta'd this so all mistakes are mine. GW

“On Your Mark…”

 

“What are you doing with that paint?” Frodo frowned.

“I’m getting this room ready for the furniture, Frodo,” Pippin said as he carefully painted a tiny line on the floor. Frodo watched him as he got up and moved to another location and did the same thing only with a slightly different marking.

‘Pippin, this is a very old, very lovely, wooden floor and you are painting all over it,” Frodo objected, blocking his cousin’s path. “When I said that I thought it would be an excellent plan if you and Merry were to live here in the Crickhollow house, I did so because I felt the two of you would take very good care of my latest investment.”

“And we shall, Cousin,” Pippin said looking slightly confused. “I am not painting all over the floor. If you will look about the room and the rest of the little house, you will notice that I have only painted small marks in certain locations. In fact, the marks are barely visible unless you know where to look.”

Frodo peered about the room and to give Pippin credit, he did notice that the marks on the floor were very light and had he not known they were there, he might have missed them altogether. “That still doesn’t explain why you feel it is necessary to mar the appearance of this lovely, wooden, floor, Peregrin.”

“You don’t have to start instantly by calling me Peregrin,” Pippin said looking injured. “No one should judge a thing until they have all the details at hand. You taught me that. Just now, I’d say that you are judging without all the facts. That’s what I might say if I were asked to comment on it.”

“And what you’ve said without an invitation to comment,” Frodo sighed. “Very well. I cannot argue with my own logic. Explain to me what you are doing and why and then I will judge the merit of it all.”

“Are you going to be this fussy all the time?” Pippin asked, frowning.

“I’m not fussy!” Frodo objected.

“Well, you seem very fussy to me at the moment. I’ve never had occasion to have a Land Lord and now that I hear you blustering about, I must say that I am re-thinking the wisdom of becoming your tenant, Frodo.”

“Moving out so soon, Pip?” Merry asked, sitting a large trunk down in the parlour and then, sitting down on the trunk. “I had hoped you’d make it until the month was out.”

“I’ve just been discussing a point of contention with our Land Lord,” Pippin sighed. “You might also like to reconsider, Merry.”

Frodo shook his head and looked to Merry for assistance. “Peregrin is annoyed because I am not happy about the fact that he is painting the floor. He now considers me to be a fussy Land Lord.”

“Painting the floor? Which room?” Merry frowned.

“All of them, apparently,” Frodo said before Pippin could comment.

“I am not painting the floor,” Pippin objected.

Merry looked at the paint container and the brush in his younger cousin’s hands and said, “The evidence that I can see would tend to contradict that statement, Pip.”

“They are barely visible,” Pippin said.

“They look as clear as crystal to me,” Merry said. “That is a paint brush you’ve got in your hand and unless my eyes deceive me, that is a container of paint in your other hand.”

“Oh! These! I thought you meant to say that you could see the paint on the floor,” Pippin grinned. “Of course you can see the brush and the container of paint! You have to be as blind as a stone not to see those.”

Merry looked about him from his seat on the trunk and studied the floor carefully. “Frodo,” he said after a moment. “I have to say that I’m having trouble seeing where it is that Pippin has painted the floor.”

“That is because I haven’t really painted the floor,” Pippin said looking smugly at Frodo. “Our new Land Lord is over-stating things and generally being fussy.”

“Your new Land Lord is on the verge of being your Old Land Lord,” Frodo said dryly. “If this continues, one of us will have to go and it will not be me, Peregrin Took.”

“There you go again, using my proper name as if I were some stranger with whom you felt the need to be formal,” Pippin sighed.

“You are a bit strange,” Merry smiled.

“That is not what I meant and you know it,” Pippin said glaring at Merry.

“Come here, Merry,” Frodo said.

Merry got to his feet rather reluctantly and followed Frodo over to the far wall of the parlour. Frodo pointed down towards the floor. “There! Do you see the small lines of paint on the floor?”

Merry nodded. “I do now that you’ve pointed them out to me. I will say though that I might have missed them had you not gone to the trouble. Furthermore, I don’t think I will be able to see them for long. In fact, I will go so far as to say that no one will by this time tomorrow.”

“And why not?” Frodo asked.

“Because, that is where we plan to set the china hutch, and if I am not mistaken, once it is in place, it will completely cover both of those paint lines,” Merry said.

Frodo looked at the floor again and then he looked at Pippin who was now smiling and rocking on his heels. “See?”

“No, not really,” Frodo said. “In fact, the information that Merry has just given me, makes everything far less clear than it was before.”

“That can happen,” Pippin said. “Sometimes Merry tends to go on and on and muddle things a bit. He doesn’t mean to, but unless you know him very well and are used to it, sometimes you can miss his point entirely.”

“I muddle things? I go on and on?” Merry looked stunned by this. “Are you quite certain that we are talking about me here?”

Before Merry could work himself up further, Frodo interrupted. “Since this is all a bit confusing coming from Merry, why don’t you explain it to me?”

“I thought I had done,” Pippin frowned.

“No, not at all,” Frodo said shaking his head. “All you have said so far, is that the marks are barely visible and that I shouldn’t judge without all the facts. At this moment, the only facts I have are, that you are putting tiny lines here and there on the floors of the house with that paint and that the china hutch will cover these two.” Frodo pointed to the floor. “That isn’t very much to go on.”

“I thought, having moved a time or two yourself, this would all be obvious to you,” Pippin said.

“I’m afraid not. You are going to have to explain it to me,” Frodo said folding his arms over his chest and leaning against the well.

“I thought Merry had done rather well,” Pippin said.

“No, you thought I’d muddled it all up while being very long-winded,” Merry said.

“No, I thought that Frodo might think that, but I didn’t think it. I knew precisely what you were saying, even while you were saying it,” Pippin said. “There’s no need to be concerned because the china hutch will cover the marks, which by the way, are so lightly painted and so small, I doubt you can see them unless you look even if the china hutch weren’t going here. Then again, if the china hutch weren’t going here, there wouldn’t be any paint here.”

Frodo closed his eyes for a minute. “Why is it necessary to put paint on the floor, Pippin?”

“Those little lines mark the place where the china hutch will go,” Pippin said. “There are lines in this room that mark the sofa’s location and the rocker and-”

“You are putting lines of paint on the floor to denote where your furnishings will go?” Frodo asked.

Pippin grinned. “Now, that isn’t so difficult to understand, is it?”

“Yes, in a way, it still is,” Frodo said. “I still don’t see why you are doing this.”

“How else will we be able to know exactly where our things go?” Pippin asked. “How do you tell where things go in Bag End? Didn’t Bilbo mark it all? Didn’t you mark it when you moved your things back in? Or maybe Sam marked it! I suppose that’s it. You don’t know about the markings because Sam sorted it out for you. Good ole, Sam.”

“I don’t think Sam put lines on my floor to mark the locations of my furnishings,” Frodo said looking doubtful.

“Well, that proves it,” Pippin said. “It had to be Sam. You don’t know about it because it was just something he settled for you. He knew where things would be and so he did the marking to save you the work. You haven’t done much in the way of painting.”

“I’ve painted things,” Frodo objected.

“Really?” Merry asked looking interested now. “What was it that you painted, Cousin?”

“I-I, well, I’ve painted things before. I don’t have a list of what I’ve painted but I *have* painted,” Frodo said.

“Imagine that,” Merry said looking surprised. “I would have thought that Sam did all the painting.”

“Sam doesn’t do everything,” Frodo said.

“Sometime when you aren’t busy, make me a list of the things Sam doesn’t do, will you? I’m certain that’s a short list,” Merry smiled.

“I suspect Sam is the one that paints. You have to be very careful with paint,” Pippin said.

“Stop telling when the rules for painting and finish telling me about the marks on my floor,” Frodo said.

“We just did that,” Pippin said.

“Tell him the story,” Merry suggested. “Maybe Frodo doesn’t know the story of the young couple. Tell him that, and then he’ll understand, Pip.”

“You know about this?” Frodo asked looking at Merry.

“As it happens, I do,” Merry said. “I heard the story a couple weeks ago when Pippin and I were discussing the furniture. We were going through the mathom rooms with my mum up at Brandy Hall. She was helping us chose a few things we would need for this little house. She, in fact, is the one that explained this to me.”

“Well,” Frodo said. “Then will one of you kindly clear it up for me?”

Pippin cleared his throat and began. “A long time ago, when the Tooks were first beginning to settle in the Tooklands, there was a young couple just starting out their married life. They were planning their smial. His name was Phineas Took and his bride’s name was Holly. I don’t know her family name, but by the time this story begins, she was already a Took so it hardly matters.”

“Naturally,” Frodo sighed.

“Yes, it was too late for her by then,” Merry muttered.

Pippin, seeming not to hear Merry at all, continued. “The young couple were to move into their very own smial that week and they were planning out how to decorate it and where to put things. They were buying things with which to stock their pantry and packing their plates and bedding. Everything was going along splendidly, until they arrived, with all of their belongings in tow, at their new smial. That was when the trouble began.”

“What trouble?” Frodo asked.

“Well, they both had very definite ideas about where things should go and they didn’t agree on any of the important things such as where the breakfast dishes should be kept or which wall the bed should set against or what to do with the sofa and so they stood in their new smial and fought all day long,” Pippin said. “In fact, they continued to fight for several days. Every day they would come to the smial to began moving in and setting up their hole only to start fighting over the details. A full week after they first began, they still had not placed any of the furniture save one bench,” Pippin said.

“Just the one bench?” Frodo asked, looking interested now.

“That was it,” Pippin said. “It was the only piece of furniture upon which they could agree and it was really outside the smial. It was a bench that they had placed by the front door so they could sit and enjoy their garden. Sadly, there was to be no garden.”

“Why not?” Frodo asked.

“Well, as the days turned into a full week and the week into several weeks, Phineas and Holly couldn’t agree on where to put their furniture. Soon, all they were doing was coming to the little smial in the mornings, sitting on the bench by the door and arguing about where things were to go. In fact, they did this for a full year before they finally agreed that, as much as they loved one another, they simply could not live together.”

“You mean to tell me that they didn’t stay married?” Frodo objected. “That’s very rare among hobbits.”

“Yes, it is,” Pippin agreed. “It’s a sad turn of events, but their story is even more sad because, they did remain married, they just never lived together in their little smial. They left everything sitting inside in a jumble and they went home to their families. Neither of them ever married another. Years after they were both dead, the little smial still remained unlived in with only that one bench by the door to show that anyone at all had ever been there because after a time, family members came and collected the couple’s things that were piled inside waiting to be arranged but were never properly placed. The inside of the smial was left empty and unoccupied for years upon wasted years.”

“All of this, over where they should put the sofa?” Frodo asked.

“Yes,” Pippin said. “The smial stood as a reminder to others of the complete waste of all that arguing. Sometimes, folks would come and set on the bench, but no one ever lived there.”

“How did they manage to agree on the bench?” Frodo asked.

“Well, that was the easy part of it all and it’s why I have this paint right now,” Pippin smiled. When he failed to continue, just as Frodo was getting ready to explode, Merry took up the tale.

“You see, the bench was the easy part because, when they came up to the smial in their pony cart with their things, Phineas and Holly saw at once that the former owners of the smial had kept a bench by the door. They could see the marks against the side of the smial where the bench had been and that is why they found it so easy to put their own bench in that spot. The place was marked for them,” Merry said.

“Now, rather than argue, when folks are moving to a new place, they take paint and go inside and mark the places where their own things should go. Once it’s marked, there’s no fuss about it later,” Pippin said. “I’m told some folks who move into a place that’s been marked before, just go ahead and put there things in that very same arrangement to save trouble. So I’m just putting the marks in so Merry and I can move in without any fuss.”

“And why have I never heard this story before?” Frodo asked.

“I believe this particular tale is strictly Tookish in nature,” Merry smiled. “After all, only two stubborn Tooks would give up on love and move home again just because they couldn’t figure out where to put the furnishings.”

“But Tooks are resourceful,” Pippin put in. “That is why they learned from the experiences of Phineas and Holly Took and started putting in bench marks.”

“Benchmarks?” Frodo said.

“Yes, that’s what it’s called,” Pippin smiled. “Phineas and Holly were lucky enough to find that the prior owners of the smial had set a bench mark so they might know where to put the bench. If only the prior owners had marked the rest of the smial, Phineas and Holly might have had a long, happy, life together with lots of wee lads and lasses.”

“Considering the intelligence level of Phineas and Holly, perhaps it was a good thing that no one bothered to bench-mark the smial,” Merry grinned. “That would have been a smial full of very disagreeable little Tooks if they had.”

“Honestly, Meriadoc,” Pippin sighed. “You’re missing the point of the story completely.” He turned and left the room. “The parlour is finished, so I’m going to bench mark my room.”

Once he was gone, Frodo turned to Merry and said, “Did your Aunt Esmarilda really tell you this story?”

“She did indeed,” Merry said. “You know full well that, while she is uncommonly practical for a Took, my mum is still a Took.”

“But a bench mark isn’t a mark that is made to show where to put a bench,” Frodo whispered. “A bench mark is a point of reference that folks use to evaluate performance.”

“Or?” Merry prompted, grinning broadly.

“Or the term can be used to mean comparing two things against one another to see what might be best for a given situation,” Frodo went on.

“Or?” Merry prompted again.

“Or it can be said to be standard by which something can be measured or judged, Frodo said.

“Exactly,” Merry smiled. “In this case, someone measured out a place by the door to the smial and judged that location to be a fine place for a bench.”

“Only the Tooks,” Frodo muttered, shaking his head.

“Write Bilbo a nice letter and ask him about it,” Merry suggested. “I’ll wager he knows the story and even knows a bit more about it. If my mum knows it, then I can’t imagine that Bilbo doesn’t know it too.”

“I’m going out for a pipe,” Frodo sighed. “I need to smoke the Tookish nonsense out of my head before it takes root in there and pushes out all the Baggins common sense.”

“Enjoy your pipe,” Merry said. “There’s a bench by the door that’s very convenient for smoking.”

Frodo laughed and then hurried outside.

“Stickle bats!” Pippin shouted from the other room.

“What now?” Merry called out.

“I may have accidentally decided where I’m putting the hook rug that Pearl made for me,” Pippin sighed coming back into the parlour.

“Spill some paint, did you?” Merry asked.

“Don’t mention it to our Land Lord,” Pippin said in a low voice. “It was difficult enough to explain bench marks to him in the first place. I’ve no idea how much trouble it might be to explain unintentional bench marks to him and I don’t think I have the energy to find out.”

“Yes, there no question about it,” Merry said. “Explaining Bench marks to a Baggins is a bit like trying to explain farming to a frog. Give me the paint now so I can bench mark my room. If I’m to have any accidental rug locations, I’d like those accidents to be mine.”

Pippin nodded and handed Merry the paint container and the brush. Merry peered into the container and frowned. “There’s just enough left in here to finish my room. I’m guessing your accidental bench mark covers a great deal of space. I hope it’s a very large hook rug.”

“Thankfully, it is,” Pippin said, looking slightly embarrassed.

 

GW 10-26-2012


End file.
